Childhood Exam Anxiety: A Parent Guide

Children with anxiety

If you think your child is feeling anxious, you’re not alone. Many parents share this concern, and it’s completely normal for children to feel a little overwhelmed during periods of their childhood. This guide pulls together helpful advice from trusted sources like the NHS and The Children’s Society to give you practical tools and support. With the right approach, you can help your child feel confident and ready to tackle whatever comes their way.

The guide has the following sections:

1. Symptoms of anxiety in children covers what you might notice about your child if they are experiencing anxiety but also why you shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
2. Techniques to help children with exam anxiety covers ways to help your child reduce their stress levels (with a focus on exam stress) and how to sleep the night before an exam or significant event.
3. Talking to your child about anxiety covers what anxiety is, why it can make your child feel ill and how to have positive conversations with them about it.
4. Nurturing optimism covers how to help your child think positively so they can lead a happy and fulfilling life.
5. Anxiety relief tools for children covers some of the best relief tools that will help support your child through stressful periods in their childhood. 
6. Child anxiety support and guidance covers how you can access support and seek advice from professionals if your child’s anxiety is affecting their day-to-day life.
7. Key takeaways sums up the key messages of the guide. 

1. Symptoms of Anxiety in Children

You know your child best and will be able to pick up on changes in their behaviour that might suggest they are suffering from anxiety. It is important not to jump to conclusions, though, and to consider other explanations. 

Anxiety Checklist

Exam anxiety symptoms, school anxiety symptoms and other anxiety symptoms can include one or more of the following:

Sleeping issues: Having nightmares, trouble falling asleep or not wanting to be left alone to sleep can all be signs that your child is experiencing anxiety.  You may notice that they seem stressed as bedtime approaches. 

Wetting the bed: The hormone that regulates how much urine your child produces at night can be affected by anxiety. If your child is anxious, they might make too much urine for their bladder to hold, resulting in them wetting the bed. This is more likely to happen with younger children.

Overwhelming fears and worries: Your child might be worrying about all sorts of things, such as a sick relative or whether items they are touching have germs on them that will make them ill. Possibly, they are embarrassed about their fears and won’t talk about them, but they might continually need reassurance from you.

Feeling sick: Your child might complain a lot about their tummy hurting. The fight-or-flight response (you can read about this in Section 3) diverts blood flow away from the digestive system, meaning anxiety can cause stomach pains. 

Refusing to go to school: If your child starts refusing to go to school, this could be down to anxiety about school-related issues, such as keeping up with the work or managing friendship issues.

Mood changes: Anxiety may cause your child to be snappy or withdrawn, with them refusing to discuss how they feel.  

If you recognise any of these symptoms and think your child has anxiety, try not to worry — the next section will guide you through steps to help them. Some children might try to hide signs of exam stress, friendship issues, etc. so do ask your child how they are feeling and if there is anything you can do to help. There may even be a quick and simple solution, such as getting them a tutor if they are stressed about falling behind in their studies or failing an exam. 

Remember, you should also consider other explanations if you spot any symptoms. Your child might be having trouble sleeping because their mattress is uncomfortable, or they might be having mood swings because of a change in hormones due to puberty. If they are bedwetting or having stomach pains, it’s worth talking to your GP to rule out other possible causes.

There are certain times in your child’s life when it is entirely normal for them to feel stressed. As a parent or guardian, you will want to help your child manage their stress and anxiety, making sure it does not become overwhelming. Exam periods can be particularly challenging, causing exam nerves, so please look at Section 2 for techniques to help your child reduce their stress levels during this time.

2. Techniques to Help Children with Exam Anxiety

It is not unusual for children to suffer from exam anxiety, so please remember that you are not alone in managing this. We know it can be challenging, but you can make a difference through exam anxiety management. Many of the following tips are also relevant for anxiety caused by other issues.

Tips for Helping Your Child Cope with Exam Stress

Healthy diet: A balanced, nutritional diet will help them feel well throughout their revision and exam period. Additionally, vitamins and minerals support various mental activities, such as reasoning, decision-making and remembering information, so their study sessions will be more effective if they eat healthily. If your child’s revision is going well, this will help them avoid feeling stressed. You could make healthy meals together and always have a variety of fruit available. Look at fruit and vegetables as the perfect exam foods!

Exercise: Does exercise improve exam performance? There is strong evidence to suggest it does. Exercise during exams is a fantastic way to lower your child’s stress levels, as it reduces stress hormones. Research has shown that people feel more content and calm after exercising. Exercise also improves alertness and concentration, leading to constructive study sessions. It doesn’t matter what exercise your child does; it could be anything from dancing around in their bedroom to football training. If you have a dog, you could go on dog walks together.  

Sleep: Getting sufficient sleep will make your child feel energised and able to think clearly and concentrate. A bedtime routine is helpful, and turning electronic devices off around an hour before bedtime is a good idea. See what works for your child. A warm bath just before bedtime may help them to drift off to sleep quickly, or an app to help them sleep could be just the ticket (please see Section 5). The NHS recommends that children from 6 to 12 years old sleep 9 to 12 hours a night and teenagers 8 to 10 hours.

Meditation: Meditation is a great way for your child to manage their anxiety and could be helpful in the run-up to exam season. It will lower their stress levels, improve their sleep, improve their concentration and give them a sense of peace. You could do meditation exercises together. A fantastic primary school meditation to start with is a compassionate meditation. Sit comfortably with your child and both close your eyes. You should then both think of someone you have a loving relationship with. Think about how you feel when you think of this person and send them a kind wish. Repeat this by thinking of someone who is an acquaintance and then someone who has annoyed you recently. Encourage your child to focus on their thoughts and feelings throughout the meditation and how they feel at the end.

Limit social media: Social media will not only distract your child from their revision, but it can be a source of anxiety. Constant notifications and updates can create pressure for your child. Also, communication online can be unkind, leaving your child feeling upset. It is a good idea to monitor your child’s social media use and limit it.  

Be adaptable: Your child will spend time studying, leaving less time for other things. They may not keep their room as tidy as you would like or be doing their everyday chores; however, it is better to accept this than to nag them. Once the exam period ends, you can start expecting your child to take on their responsibilities in the home again. 

Effective study sessions: Provide your child with a comfortable place to study. Also, help them create a revision timetable that covers all the topics they need to learn. They can tick the topics off as they go along, which will help them see their progress. You can offer to test them on topics they have revised, helping to consolidate their learning and identify gaps in their knowledge. Creating flashcards can break work down into manageable chunks, and sourcing past papers and practice papers for them will remove any fear of the unknown. Once your child feels they can manage their revision, a weight will be lifted off their shoulders. Feeling unprepared is one of the leading causes of exam stress, making effective study sessions crucial. 

Peer support: Peer support can be invaluable. Encourage your child to talk to a friend who will be sitting the same exam/s. You could encourage them to study together sometimes. If they work well together, you could make it a regular thing. 

No pressure: Understandably, you want your child to pass the entrance exam to secure a place at the high-achieving grammar school you have your eye on or get excellent GCSE results. But it would help if you focused on them doing their best — this is all you can ask of them. Be positive and avoid any criticisms. Tell them it is not the end of the world if they do not achieve what they set out to achieve. Help them see there is a Plan B. For example, tell them what will happen if they don’t pass their 11+ exam and pitch it as an acceptable alternative. Pressure is one of the main causes of exam stress, so not adding to the pressure is vital. Exam pressure on children can feel overwhelming and could prevent them from performing to the best of their ability. 

Fun and treats: Enjoying quality time together and rewarding your child for their efforts will help keep them motivated and make the lead-up to their exams feel manageable. It can be as simple as cooking their favourite meal or choosing a film to watch together. Showing that you want to help make the process easier for them and are there to encourage them will mean a lot and boost their mood. Also, an after-exam treat is a great idea. If you get your child to choose something they want to do after their exam period is over, it gives them something to look forward to and that sense of there being light at the end of the tunnel. 

You will be keen to do what you can to ensure your child sleeps well the night before an exam so they feel refreshed and ready to perform to the best of their ability.  

Tips to Help Your Child Sleep the Night Before an Exam

We all know how hard it can be to switch off if something big is happening the next day. Your child may struggle to drop off to sleep the night before an exam or any other significant event. If they can’t sleep before an exam, the following could help:

Check their bedroom: Make sure your child’s bedroom is a suitable environment for sleep. Remove electronic devices and anything else distracting. Ensure the room is dark, as light will make your child feel more alert. Also, a cool room will promote sleep, with the ideal temperature being between 18 and 20⁰c.

Stick to their regular bedtime routine: It might be tempting to try to get your child to bed early so they will get more sleep, but it is best to stick to their normal routine. Hopefully, you will have discovered what helps them relax before bed. 

Help them clear their head: Encourage your child to talk about their worries or write them down well before bedtime. You can address these concerns so they are not spinning around in your child’s head when they are trying to sleep. Section 3 will help you know what to say.

Be prepared: Help your child get everything ready for their exam before bedtime. They should go through what they need more than once so they are happy that nothing has been forgotten. If they are worrying about remembering everything, it will keep them awake.

Limit caffeine: Caffeine is a stimulant, which means having caffeine makes it harder to sleep. Caffeine is in tea, coffee, fizzy drinks and chocolate, so avoid these in the afternoon and evening before your child has an exam.

Have dinner early: It is harder to sleep on a full stomach, so don’t have a late dinner. If your child gets hungry between dinner and bedtime, they can have a small snack. There is evidence that suggests bananas and milk aid sleep. You can think of them as exam food!

Put revision resources away: Your child will be ready for their exam by the time it gets to the night before. It is best to put their revision resources away and focus on relaxing.  

Practise mindfulness: You can encourage your child to use mindful breathing to help them get relaxed and ready for sleep. There is more about mindfulness in Section 4. 

Use an app that promotes sleep: This is the exception to the rule of not having electronic devices in your child’s room! There are apps that promote sleep using meditation and/or sleep sounds. Your child could use one of these to help them sleep (please see Section 5).

In an ideal world, how much sleep your child gets before an exam will be at least as much as they normally get. However, if your child gets very little sleep or no sleep before their exam, please don’t worry too much. Their adrenaline will keep them going and help them focus. They can then have an early night afterwards!

You may worry that you won’t know how to address any worries your child brings up the evening before an exam. Sections 3 and 4 will help you with this.

3. Talking to Your Child About Anxiety

Reassure your child by telling them that feeling anxious is normal. Many people experience anxiety at some point. It is nothing to feel embarrassed about. The good news is that talking will help. We will focus on exam stress, as this is often a common source of stress for children with anxiety. However, you can apply the principles to other situations, including school stress, which can occur for various reasons.

Explain anxiety: Your child may find it helpful to understand why they feel the way they do. When our ancestors were in danger, e.g. about to be attacked by a woolly mammoth, a fight-or-flight response would be triggered. This means their heart rate would increase, their breathing would change and their muscles would tense, preparing them to fight or run away. We still have this fight-or-flight response, and a scary thought can trigger it. The changes this causes in the body can make you feel shaky and dizzy, give you a headache, make your chest hurt and give you stomach pains. One thought about failing an exam could lead to this response. A little stress can be a great motivator, but too much stress is not.

Encourage conversation: Ask your child how they are feeling and then listen. It is essential to validate their feelings and not sweep them aside. Also, use open-ended questions to help them find solutions, as this is more empowering than telling them what to do. For example:

You: How are you feeling about your 11 plus exam?

Your child: I am scared.

You: It is normal to feel worried about an exam. What do you think you are concerned about in particular?

Your child: I am worried about failing it.

You: What could you do to be in the best position to pass?

Your child: Make sure I have learned everything in time.

You: How could you make sure you have done that?

Your child: I could follow a revision timetable.

You: Great, let’s do one together.

A conversation like this can help your child see that they can take positive action. If your child is going to be taking an entrance exam and you don’t know how to help them revise, you could look at our resources.

If your child is worried about failing their GCSEs, you could ask them what they worry will happen if they do. 

You: What is the worst thing that could happen?

Your child: I won’t be allowed to stay on at school for my A Levels.

You: What could you do instead?

Your child: I could explore other options such as going to college. 

You: Yes, you could. There will be a solution. I am not saying it won’t upset you, but we will find a way forward together.

This conversation acknowledges that it won’t be easy for them if they don’t do as well as they want to, but it won’t be the end of the world. Disappointing exam results and exam mistakes can take a while to come to terms with, but they can lead your child down a different path that turns out to be brilliant. You can help them feel optimistic about their new direction.

Let your child know you are pleased they have shared their feelings with you, that you love them and are there for them. If they don’t open up, let them know you are ready to listen when they want to talk.

Your child might find it easier to confide in you when in the car or doing an activity. It makes it less pressured because they won’t have to make eye contact with you, and silences will feel more comfortable.

Talk about your experiences: Share your experiences. Talk about times when you have found things hard and tell your child how you overcame challenges. Tell them about mistakes you have made and how they helped you grow. Your child needs to know that everyone makes mistakes — it is a natural part of the learning process. It is how we deal with our mistakes that matters. If you open up to your child, they will benefit from your life experience and be more likely to open up to you.

As well as talking, approaching life in a way that nurtures positive thinking will help your child deal with their anxiety. Please read Section 4 to learn about how to cultivate optimism.

4. Nurturing Optimism and a Growth Mindset

You can help your child manage their mental health. Teaching them strategies to help them cope when they are starting to feel anxious will help them throughout their life. The techniques we will discuss could be instrumental during the run-up to exams or any other stressful period. Your child might be resistant at first, but you can try one thing at a time in a small way.

Mindfulness: Mindfulness is about being fully in the present by being aware of what you are doing and feeling. Practicing mindfulness is good for your child’s well-being and is something you can do together. 

You could go for a walk and focus on how the sun or wind feels on your face. Stop for a moment and pay attention to the sounds around you. Ask your child to describe what they can feel and hear. 

You can practise mindful eating by encouraging your child to eat slowly and think about the taste and texture of the food. 

Why not try mindful breathing? Sit down together and focus on your breathing. Please encourage your child to breathe in deeply, hold their breath for a few seconds and then slowly let it out. This is often called ‘box breathing’. Repeating this for a short period of time is incredibly calming.

Mindfulness can help your child feel in control of their emotions and promote a feeling of calm.

Letting go of negative thoughts: Teach your child that their thoughts are simply words. They have the power to change their negative thoughts into positive thoughts. You can show them how to by having the types of conversations we discussed in the previous section. 

Challenge their negative thinking: If they say they won’t be able to answer any questions in their 11+ exam, you could ask them to consider the following:

Is that thought a fact or their opinion?

What evidence do they have to think it?

If a friend of theirs said the same thing, what would they say to the friend?

This will get them thinking and enable them to see that their thoughts could be more helpful and realistic. Over time, they will start questioning their negative thoughts and develop more positive thinking. 

You could consider cognitive behavioural therapy for your child (please see Section 6 for more information) to help them overcome negative thought patterns.  

Model positive thinking: You are an important role model to your child. If you can demonstrate positive thinking, that will be invaluable to your child. You could voice your thoughts aloud: ‘I am not sure if my boss will be happy with the work I did today. Actually, there is no reason why she shouldn’t be. She has always been happy with it before. And if she wants me to change anything, I can easily do that.’ This shows your child that there is nothing wrong with having a negative thought and that you can change it into a positive thought. They can take charge of their thoughts. We also recommend you read Mindset by Carol Dweck. This book explores the impact of people’s beliefs and how adopting a growth mindset – the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning – leads to greater success and fulfillment, while a fixed mindset limits potential.

Teaching gratitude: Research has shown that teaching your child to be grateful will make them happier. To help them develop a sense of appreciation, ask them how they feel when they receive a gift. Encourage them to think about the gift, why they were given it and how they can show how they feel about being given it. Each evening, you can ask your child to tell you one thing they are grateful for that day. It’s about taking the opportunity to focus on what your child has to be thankful for. 

Nurturing optimism can help your child deal with stress. There are also anxiety relief tools available for children. We will cover some of these in Section 5.

5. Anxiety Relief Tools for Children

There are plenty of child anxiety support tools and apps out there that you can access, designed to help your child with whatever it is that is causing their anxiety. It could be that apps for children’s mental health are an ideal resource for your child, particularly children’s apps for anxiety. 

Childline: Childline has some fantastic resources, including yoga videos and games, to help your child cope with their worries. Visit their site to access games, videos and so much more in their Calm Zone.

Reading Well: Reading Well produces books chosen and recommended by leading health professionals to support the well-being of children aged 7-11. Visit their site to look at their recommended books. You can borrow them from your local library, and some can be borrowed as e-books.

Calm App: The Children’s Society recommends the Calm App. The app will enable you to access Calm Kids meditations and stories designed to lower your child’s stress levels and help them sleep better. Visit their site to try the app for free.

Smiling Mind: Smiling Mind is an organisation passionate about emotional well-being. Its app, developed by psychologists and educators to promote mindfulness, support sleep and reduce stress, is free for all age groups.

ChillPanda: Recommended by the NHS for children aged 6-12 and developed with the assistance of a clinical psychologist, this app will help your child learn to regulate their emotions by teaching them skills, including breathing techniques and calming games. 

Clear Fear: Recommended by the NHS for children aged 11-19, Clear Fear helps older children reduce their stress levels using mindfulness, breathing techniques and relaxation. The app was developed by a clinical psychologist. 

Pzizz: Recommended by the NHS for anyone aged 4+, this app will help your child fall asleep. Sounds and narrations create dreamscapes that will calm your child’s body and quieten their mind.  

We know you want to help your child with anxiety, and we hope we have equipped you with the skills to do so and that you notice your child’s anxiety levels diminishing. You may find the anxiety tools for children and anxiety apps for children we have drawn your attention to are sufficient for your child’s needs. However, you may feel you need further support and guidance. If so, please read Section 6.

6. Child Anxiety Support and Guidance

Seeking support for your child’s anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a positive step to take and will show your child how much you love them and care about their well-being. Please talk to them about it, though — you will need their consent and cooperation. 

Talk to your doctor: If your child’s anxiety continues after you were expecting it to ease off (e.g. once their exams have finished), it would be a good idea to visit your GP. If you can see that your child’s anxiety is affecting the quality of their life, it would also be a good idea to talk to your GP. Your GP can, if they think it is necessary, put you in touch with your local children and young people’s mental health services (CAMHS). Your child could be offered cognitive behavioural therapy through CAMHS.  

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): CBT is a talking therapy that will help your child change the way they think. It works on the idea that your child can improve how they feel by changing their unhelpful thoughts and behaviour. Your child will learn strategies that will help them throughout their life. CBT for exam anxiety could be a great help for your child.   

Speak to your child’s school: Your child’s school will have a contact for pastoral support. You can talk to them about your concerns. Support could include group or individual mentoring and a quiet place for your child to go if they feel overwhelmed at break times. If it is specifically exam anxiety your child is experiencing, they may be offered revision support and encouraged to go to lunchtime revision classes and after-school sessions (if appropriate). Some schools have counsellors or emotional literacy support assistants (ELSAs). The wealth of expertise at your child’s school could be a huge help. 

Counselling: Stop. Breathe. Think. is an online counselling service for children and young people aged 8-21. You start by answering some questions about your child, and if they meet the criteria to be offered support, you will be sent a link to book an appointment. 

Look after yourself: To be able to help your child, you need to be looking after yourself. You will have more resilience to support your child if you feel relaxed and energised. Choose something you enjoy doing and spend at least ten minutes a day doing it. Give yourself things to look forward to, e.g. you could treat yourself to a hot bath after the children are in bed. Be kind to yourself. When you think negatively about yourself, stop and remind yourself that you are doing your best. 

If you tend to neglect your own well-being, please look at the Anna Freud website for some great self-care tips.

We hope you have found this section helpful. We hope it reassures you that help is available. 

Key Takeaways

Anxiety is a natural part of childhood, but you can help your child manage it effectively. The first step is recognising symptoms like trouble sleeping, mood changes or overwhelming worries. Strategies like adopting a healthy diet, encouraging regular exercise and maintaining a bedtime routine can make a big difference if these signs appear. If your child is experiencing exam anxiety, make sure they have a comfortable place to study and the resources they need. Also, focus on their efforts and have a Plan B to reduce pressure.

Open communication is vital. Explaining what anxiety is, validating your child’s feelings and encouraging problem-solving conversations can empower them to manage their worries. Introducing practices like mindfulness, gratitude and positive thinking nurtures optimism and resilience. Additionally, many tools and professional resources, from apps like Calm and Smiling Mind to school support systems, are available to help your child cope. If anxiety persists or disrupts daily life, seeking guidance from a GP is a proactive and caring step. 

We do hope that you have found our guide useful. If it is exam anxiety your child is experiencing, please reach out to us to see if we can help you with targeted resources and study schedules. We have a wide range of resources and practice papers available. 

We wish you and your family all the best and hope you have found this guide interesting and informative.